its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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