worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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