turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
