Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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