I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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