Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
