Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
