You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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