Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I know her cup size but not her name....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
