There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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