you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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