No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
