what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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