My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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