You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
