And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
