haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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