Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
