I'm going to jail i love you
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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