So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
