Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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