I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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