the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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