none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
