She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize