I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
