So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
