I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
