found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
