I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
