I have demons in me.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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