The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
