Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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