If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
