I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
