she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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