Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
