it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
