Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
