I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
