Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
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Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have feelings that need drinking.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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