shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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