Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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