You really coming over, don't trick.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
