Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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