All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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