she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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