the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
false alarm, still single
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
