ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
