I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
