Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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