I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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