This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
