when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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