Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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