Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
