My friends, they love my intelligence
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
