Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
