I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
