that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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