You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
