the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
