apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
