im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
