I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
