I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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