I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
