i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
