pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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