I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
