what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
