Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
