I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
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I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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